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No license needed for seniors
My neighbor was working
in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through
his hedge right into his front yard.
He rushed to help an
elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair.
He said with
excitement, “You appear quite elderly to be driving.”
“Well, yes, I am,” she
replied proudly. “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't
even need a driver’s license anymore.”
“You don't need a
driver's license anymore?!?”
“That’s right... The
last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's
license. I told him ‘yes’, and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the
drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket,
saying, ‘You won’t need this anymore.’ So I thanked him and left!”
Is My Time
Up?
A 71 year old woman had
a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she
had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked,
“Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have
another 25 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the
woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast
implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair
color and brighten her teeth!
Since she had so much
more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her final
operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the
street on her way home, she was run over by an ambulance and killed.
Arriving in front of
God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 25 years to live. Why
didn’t you pull me away from the path of the ambulance?”
God replied: “I didn't
recognize you!”
On patch
Two guys get pulled
over by traffic police while drinking and driving.
The driver tells his
friend: “Peel the labels off these beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our
forehead. Now hide all the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the
talking.”
The policeman walks up
and shines his flashlight into the car. “Have you been drinking?” he asks.
“We haven't have a
drink tonight.”
“Then what on earth are
those beer labels doing on your foreheads?”
“We’re both
alcoholics,” says the drunk. “We’re on the patch.”
Obviously, the patch
for alcoholics, similar to the ones for
smokers, has not yet been invented. The driver went straight to jail.
